A Club Fair? But I'm Antisocial!
October 7th, Vanguard dorm #B-42
The dorm was dimly lit by the sunlight that passed through the curtains. Faint music could be heard as Tao laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling with his noise-cancelling headphones on.
It’s still pretty early, isn’t it? Tao checked his phone. 6:40AM.
I don’t have class today… Wonder if I’ll get to see Ilhan.
Tao’s text buzzed with a notification; it was an email from the University.
“Come with us to the Vanguard Annual Club Fair! Do you have a talent or skill you want to develop further? Well, look no more! The Club Fair is the perfect place to find out what your passion is!
Show us your sportsmanship with activities such as athletics, soccer, and softball! Or unleash your creativity with Drama, Folkloric Dance, and Plastic Arts!
The fair will be hosted on October 7th in area A of the carnivores campus from 12pm - 5pm.”
Great. A social event I have no control over… Ilhan will probably make me go along with him. Tao took off his headphones, resting them around his neck as he stood up and turned on his dorm’s light.
Would it be that bad? So far, I’ve enjoyed every time I hang out with Ilhan… But I don’t know. He walked over to his closet looking for his favorite hoodie and sweatpants.
There will be too many people… I’ll end up overwhelmed. Would Ilhan even understand if I shut down? He took off his pajama shirt and pants. I don’t think he would, he’s too much of a social butterfly to get my struggles.
He walked over to the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror.
“If I’m so worried, then why am I already getting changed?”
Tao washed his face and brushed his teeth, the cold water making him shiver a bit. I can’t wait for it to be winter; I need some coziness.
Buzz buzz… Buzz buzz… Buzz buzz…
Tao noticed someone was calling him, Ilhan.
He picked up the phone and put it close to his ear.
“Hey! Did you see the Club Fair announcement??” Ilhan said through the speaker, even through voice calls during the early morning, his energy remains unmatched.
“Yeah, let me guess, you’re gonna invite me to go?” Tao sarcastically replied, his voice raspy from how early it was.
“How did you guess? We need to be there!” Ilhan let out a soft chitter from overwhelming enthusiasm.
Tao let out a slight sigh, incapable of saying no to Ilhan, “I’ll go with you then…”
“Okay!!! See ya’!!!” Ilhan hung up the phone.
After the call with Ilhan, the room felt eerily quiet. A faint ringing noise smothered Tao’s senses.
I miss him… Tao plopped down on his bed, burying their muzzle in the pillow. How can someone as annoying as him be so charming?
I’ve never looked forward to spending time with someone.
Tao looked down at the footboard of the bed.
“So why is my tail wagging?”
11:59AM, Area A of Campus
Tao checked the time on his cellphone. Seems I’m early… I wonder if Ilhan will be here on time.
Before the clock hit 12:00PM, Tao saw a short, orange figure in the distance, rapidly approaching him. He looks so silly when he runs…
Ilhan halts in front of Tao, panting trying to catch his breath, “Did I get here on time? I rushed out the cafeteria, I lost track of time!”
Tao checks the time, “D-Don’t worry… You’re right on time..” He noticed Ilhan’s fur had some drops of sweat on it, he reached inside his bag, snatching some napkins, “Here. You’re gonna get sticky if you don’t wipe the sweat off.” He reached out, offering Ilhan the napkins.
“Thanks, Tao!!” Ilhan grabbed the napkins and dried up the damp spots on his fur. “They ran out of orange juice in the cafeteria.”
Tao raised an eyebrow. “You were… in the cafeteria for orange juice?” That’s such an Ilhan thing, honestly…
“Hell yeah! The juice in there has something special about it, I swear; it’s like a drug for me.”
“Really? I-I’ve never had it…” Tao looks a little surprised at Ilhan, after all, how good can some juice be to dedicate time to looking for it?
“I could’ve guessed so, which is why I was looking for it. Wanted to bring some for us.” Ilhan said as he raised his toes in excitement.
He went out of his way to look for juice… For me!? Oh my god…
Wait… Am I blushing? Oh no, quick. Tao looked away, trying to keep a nonchalant attitude despite the small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah… So, the Club Fair should be starting in a bit, I think.”
Tao looked at the time. “It’s only 12:05PM…”
Some students were setting up their club activities and stands. The plastic arts club was in a hurry, trying to set up the colorful painting stand and the sculpture exhibition. The Jiu Jitsu club was preparing an arena in front of them. The Drama club a small-scale stage. Even the occult club was participating, giving out flyers.
“Looks fun!” Ilhan’s tail was puffed up as he saw the students set up their stands and exhibitions diligently. Tao, on the other side, was frozen. Seeing so many people interacting constantly, all at once.
It was overwhelming. Ilhan walked over to check on the stands, and Tao followed shortly after.
They stopped by the Jiu Jitsu arena since it was the closest to them.
“Hello! Welcome to the Jiu Jitsu Club’s exhibition!” The guy who welcomed them had a unique aura; his movements were calm and disciplined, but his voice was commanding yet excited. He was a tall lion, no more than 6’3” (190cm) with a seemingly lean physique below the white kimono he was wearing.
“Jiu Jitsu is not just about self-defense. It also teaches us something that matters way more. Discipline.” The lion invited Tao and Ilhan to a seat on the tatami mats on the floor. “One must not only win a fight via brute force. One must win with the power of the brain.”
The lion signaled to one of their partners. A tigress. She seemed around 5’8” (170cm), also wearing a kimono that covered her body except her slim hands and feet.
“Imagine this.” The tigress adopts a fighting stance, tightly holding the lion by the shoulders. “She wants to attack me, for whatever reason.” The lion looks over at Tao and Ilhan.
“If I weren’t skilled, I’d try to use brute force to push her away, wouldn’t I?” The lion switched his focus to the tigress.
He pushed the tigress away, but she took back her grip on the lion.
“Notice? That didn’t do anything. If anything, I only made it worse. She’s now provoked, and during the push, I opened myself up for potentially receiving an attack.”
“Now watch what happens if I use skills learned in Jiu Jitsu to get out of this situation.”
In the blink of an eye, he tripped the tigress to the ground and pinned her down to the tatami.
“Neutralized.” The lion went back to focusing on Tao and Ilhan. “And that’s just a fraction of what is possible if you join the Jiu Jitsu club.” The tigress stood back up and started clapping. Ilhan and Tao followed soon, until almost everyone around them started cheering.
Ilhan was amazed at this show of the Jiu Jitsu club. Tao swore he could see stars in his eyes. “That is so cool! Thanks for the show.”
Ilhan and Tao stood back up. Tao silently added. “Y-Yeah, It was… Cool.”
The lion grinned. “No problem! Remember, you’re free to join the club any time you want! We’ll be waiting for you!”
Both of them walked away, exploring the fair some more.
“That was so amazing, Tao! I was not expecting him to actually neutralize the tigress. Did you see how he did it? It was so amazing!” Ilhan was bouncing on his toes like crazy, as energetic as always.
Tao’s ears were flat against his head from the amount of noise around them. But seeing Ilhan so excited was almost soothing. “Y-Yeah, it was nice… But i-it might be a little too violent for me…”
Ilhan chuckled softly. “It’s alright, man, I know those sorts of activities aren’t your cup of tea, but don’t sweat it. We still have so many stands to check out!”
Ilhan suddenly grabbed Tao by the wrist and guided him to another stand. Tao felt surprised at Ilhan’s spontaneous move.
[ The Plastic Arts Experience ]
In a cozy corner of the yard were placed several white tents, protecting canvases and easels from the sun. The scent of acrylic paint and wood shavings lingered in the air as you walked close to the small openings accompanied with a cold breeze from inside.
Inside the tents, an assortment of sculptures, portraits, and abstract canvases could be found. Calming piano music was coming from Bluetooth speakers placed in the corners.
After stepping out from the Jiu Jitsu presentation, the quiet calm of the Plastic arts exhibition was an abrupt change of mood. The sound of people walking and chatting, and the instructor’s commanding tone of voice, was instead replaced by soft brushstrokes, muted steps on the pure white floor, and small, spontaneous creaks coming from the wood the easels were made of as the club members painted on the canvases supported on them.
The vibe of the place was less a presentation and more an exhibition, the art on display was magnificent, beautiful handcrafted sculptures, immaculate detail on each one. Portraits, bodies, even daily objects. They were made into something worth of admiral using nothing but a chisel and rock.
As the room’s centerpiece. A large canvas stood in the middle. It was an abstract painting, a pitch black background, covered in chaotic colored brush streaks. Meaningless yet meaningful at the same time.
The calm of the room felt like a warm hug to Tao, he was in his comfort zone, Ilhan could notice how his tail twitched and his ears were more perked up than he had ever seen them be.
“You like it here, Tao?” Ilhan looked over at his wolf friend, he was stimming with his paws, grabbing them and shaking them repeatedly, it didn’t seem out of nervousness but excitement.
A tall deer approached them. He was lean and shorter than Tao, at around 5’7” (175cm). Their antlers were adorned with tiny dangling charms, and his gaze was piercing, a common trait across deer. He had a black apron, covered in streaks of rainbow paint, most of which seemed to be dry, but a couple of spots still shone. Below it was an army green coat, covering all the way below his hips.
“Hello, welcome to the plastic arts club exhibition, want me to guide both of you around here?” The deer spoke. His voice was a contrast to his gaze, soft spoken and clear.
Tao seemed to be stuck in his world, swaying his body from side to side as he stared at the centerpiece painting as if he was trying to comprehend a secret meaning behind it.
Ilhan let out a soft grin, amused at Tao’s behavior as he looked back at the deer standing in front of him, “No thanks, we’re good.”
The deer smiled at Ilhan and said, “Okay, if you need anything, let me know, I’ll be around here.”
Ilhan stepped over next to Tao, putting enough space between them so Tao could continue swaying his body without being disturbed. He stared at the painting following his friend wolf’s intrigue, but his jock brain couldn’t seem to process it.
The streaks of color in the black background just felt random to him, he knew there was purpose and intent behind them but he couldn’t process it. “What am I meant to be looking for?”
Tao kept staring at the painting, “Nothing.” He tilted his head, trying to get a better angle as he didn’t break eye contact with the painting, “Art isn’t about finding a meaning, it needs to make you feel something.” The wolf glanced at Ilhan.
“Does it make you feel anything?”
The red panda scratched his chin as he thought about what the painting made him feel, but even then, just thinking of that was already making his brain melt, This is paint on a canvas am I supposed to be feeling something? Is something wrong with me? Tao is really into this piece, I must be doing something wrong, right? “Confused…”
“Confusion is what you feel then,” Tao remarked. As Ilhan heard his friend’s remark, he realized the painting had made an effect on him.
Is confusion even valid? Ilhan stared back at the painting, the feeling of meaninglessness was still present, but this time the lack of meaning had a purpose, so I am feeling something from… paint?
His eyes darted across the canvas, and he didn’t get it, at least not in the way Tao did. But knowing it made Tao happy was somehow enough to make him feel content. “I still don’t get it… But it’s nice that you do.”
Tao’s ears flicked. He looked at Ilhan, a small, genuine smile twitching at his lips.
He turned to Tao, the wolf hadn’t moved. His eyes were still locked onto the strokes, his body gently swaying. Ilhan noticed how his paws opened and closed rhythmically, like squeezing invisible stress balls. But there was no tension in his face. If anything, he looked peaceful. Serene. “Hey, what do you think it means to you?”
Tao blinked. Slowly. Then looked away from the canvas and at Ilhan, as if being pulled out of a trance.
“I don’t know. It feels like when you can’t put your thoughts into words or into manifestations…” He traces the paint strokes in the air with his finger, “It’s like if your mind was made out of colors, just swirling around, with no apparent start or end.”
Ilhan was silent for a moment. He crossed his arms and went back to looking at the painting. “That sounds… overwhelming.”
They both kept looking. Off to the side, someone was quietly assembling a sculpture, tiny ceramic wings arranged like a spine. Ilhan's gaze flicked toward it. “That’s weird… but it looks so cool.”
Tao followed his line of sight, noticing the abstract sculpture. Wings? Maybe they’re related to the shape they’re in, it looks like a spine, it might indicate that it’s a sort of backbone? Wings are usually utilized for art related to freedom. So it’s composed of freedom and a backbone.
Tao crouched closer to the sculpture, tracing the curve of each joint with his eyes, the uncanny spine of ceramic vertebrae blossomed into wings at its apex. Support from a backbone, the strength to stand, endurance of pressure, the courage of letting go and take flight. A metamorphosis, this all relates to…
Transformation. Tao stood up as he reached his own conclusion about the meaning behind the odd-looking sculpture before him.
“It doesn’t seem to be finished yet,” Tao exclaimed.
Ilhan raised his eyebrows at Tao’s sudden remark, curious about how he reached that conclusion. “How do you know?”
“You can tell from the spacing, and the glaze isn’t dry.”
Ilhan gave a half-laugh. “You really know your stuff, huh?
Tao looked down, his ears folding back slightly in sudden embarrassment. “I… I just pay attention.”
Ilhan smiled at Tao’s reaction. “That’s not a bad thing.”
They walked a bit further into the tent, past a series of student sketches pinned to a whiteboard. Some were lifelike, others abstract. One showed a quiet city street at dusk, drawn only in pencil.
Tao stopped again, his head tilting. The street seemed uncannily empty, the sidewalks lacked people, and the buildings had the lights on, making the view look as if all people from Earth had vanished in an instant, leaving an empty world we associate as being packed of people.
“This one feels lonely.”
Ilhan stopped next to Tao and took a closer look. “Like.. sad?”
Tao shook his head. “Not sad. Just… alone. Like the moment before it starts raining. Gives it a liminal feeling.”
Ilhan thought about it, then nodded slowly. “I think I get that.”
They stood there a while longer, just staring. The tent didn’t feel like an exhibit anymore. It felt like a pause in time.
Ilhan shuffled slightly closer, his arms brushing Tao’s. The wolf didn’t flinch.
“You always see so much in stuff. I wish I could do that.”
Tao looked at him again, really looked, and for a moment, the wolf’s voice came out with more clarity than usual.
“You don’t have to see what I see. You just have to look long enough to find your own thing.”
Ilhan went quiet again, this time because he didn’t want to ruin the moment. Tao was in his element, and Ilhan felt oddly honored to be let in.
Then came the soft crrk of one of the easels creaking, and someone somewhere changed the playlist. The piano faded into soft ambient guitar.
“You think you’ll join the art club, Tao?”
Tao hesitated, tail flicking once behind him, “M-Maybe… I don’t know yet…”
Ilhan grinned, “Well, if you do, I’ll come visit you at the exhibits. Maybe I can learn to find meaning in paint.”
Tao remained quiet, but his ears flicked up again. They turned back toward the tent entrance, stepping softly across the floor. The breeze outside greeted them again.
As both of them left the tent, they noticed the fair seemed to have gotten quite a lot more people. The clubs now had crowds and the pathways had become crammed.
People were having loud conversations all over the place, and the club leaders had to practically shout to get the attention of people while music was being blasted from multiple booths.
The fair felt ten times louder now, especially after the quiet sanctuary of the art exhibit.
Tao’s ears folded back, reacting to the intense amount of sounds at once as he began twitching and fidgeting with his hands.
Ilhan noticed Tao’s change in attitude, his grin dropped in concern as he asked, “Is everything alright, Tao?”
The wolf jumped a bit from the sudden question, he looked over at Ilhan, staring into his neck, avoiding eye contact, “Y-Yes ,just… G-Give me a sec, to get used.”
Ilhan didn’t push. He just nodded, but his eyes stayed on Tao, watching carefully.
They moved further down the path. Tao kept close to Ilhan’s side, his shoulder brushing against the red panda’s every few steps. Ilhan pointed out different booths, the robotics club, the theater group performing snippets from a play, and a booth with cheerleaders performing acrobatics for the crowd.
Tao tried to focus. He really did. But the momentary stillness from the tent was gone, and now every sound seemed to crash into him at once. A cheerleader squealed into a megaphone nearby.
A bass drop rattled the pavement from a speaker. Someone bumped into his back and didn’t say sorry. His claws twitched.
“Look, they even have a fencing club,” Ilhan said, nodding toward a booth where a Cheetah and a Lion were mock-sparring with foam sabers.
But Tao wasn’t looking. He was blinking rapidly, jaw tight. The overlapping noises drowned out his thoughts, and the flood of movement and color blurred together into something that made his skin itch.
Tao tried to keep calm. Try your grounding techniques. He tried looking around for five things he could see, four things he could touch, three things you could hear, 2 things you could smell, and a thing he could taste.
However, he saw everything, his claws were digging into his sweater’s hem, he could hear everything all at once, the smell changed with every person that passed close to him, and the only thing he could taste was the faint saliva in his tightly shut mouth.
I can’t. I can’t. I need to get out. Where’s Ilhan?
Tao saw Ilhan in the distance as he chatted with the fencing club leader. he tried squeezing between the crowd of people but as he was doing so. A sharp mic screech cut through the air from the Drama Club stage.
That was it.
Tao’s ears flattened completely. His hands clutched his hoodie sleeves. He stopped in his tracks, shoulders curling inward.
Ilhan turned, startled. “Tao?”
The white wolf was crouching down now, one hand over his ear, the other gripping the hem of his hoodie like it was the only thing anchoring him to the ground. His breath came in short, shallow huffs. His tail was tucked tight between his legs.
Ilhan felt a protective urge seeing Tao in such a vulnerable state. He cut his talk short with the club leader and rushed over to check on Tao.
The wolf didn’t even notice Ilhan approaching, his hearing turned to static and his vision was only getting blurrier with each second. I thought I was over this? You’re a 21 year old man and you still get attacks like these? Just pathetic.
His self-degrading thoughts were cut short by Ilhan as he wrapped an arm around Tao’s shoulders and helped him stand up. Ilhan guided Tao towards a more secluded area, free from the overwhelming noise.
They entered an empty classroom. Tao and Ilhan sat on the floor. Ilhan patiently waited for Tao’s mind to clear up, offering him his paw to use as an anti-stress ball and using the headphones Tao was wearing on his neck as a way to block out more sound from his ears.
With each passing second, Tao’s respiration turned slower and calmer. He tightly squeezed Ilhan’s paw as a way to stay grounded.
“I-I’m so sorry,” Tao said, voice barely audible. “T-Too many sounds, too many people… I-I can’t- I just-”
Ilhan’s heart sank. He looked over at Tao, keeping his voice low.
“It’s okay. That’s okay. Don’t be sorry. We don’t have to stay. I’ve got you, okay?”
Tao shook his head slightly, like he was trying to push the noise out of it.
“Hey,” Ilhan said gently. “Let’s go somewhere completely quiet, yeah? Just you and me.”
Tao held out his free paw, not forcing it, just there if Tao wanted to take it.
After a few seconds, Tao reached up and grabbed it with trembling fingers. Ilhan helped him up slowly.
They slipped out of the crowd, weaving carefully between booths until the sounds began to fade away behind them.
Eventually, they found a quiet patch of grass beneath a cluster of trees at the edge of the school grounds. The shade cooled the air, and the muffled thrum of the fair was distant now.
The leaves of the trees swayed gently along with the breeze, producing a calming noise.
Tao sat down heavily, curling in on himself. He crossed his legs, shoulders hunched, and buried his face in his hands for a moment. His ears flicked slightly, still picking up every stray sound, but less sharp now, less violent. He started stimming with his hand, tight fists, squeeze, release. Squeeze. Release.
Ilhan sat beside him, not saying anything, careful not to crowd. He leaned back on his hands and stretched his legs out.
Glancing up at the canopy above them. The breeze rustled the leaves, dappling their fur with soft shadows and light.
For a few minutes, neither of them spoke.
Tao’s claws lightly grazed the fabric of his pants in rhythmic pulses. Slowly, his breathing began to even out. Ilhan didn’t say a word. He just stayed close, grounding the moment with his quiet presence.
Birdsong filtered in from somewhere deeper in the trees. Tao’s ears twitched toward the sound. It was delicate, simple, and real. Nothing artificial or amplified. He let it settle in his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, eyes still fixed on the grass. “I didn’t mean to freak out. I just can’t handle loud noises…”
Ilhan shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. Ever. That was a lot. Anyone would’ve felt it.”
Tao glanced sideways at him.. “But you’re okay.”
Ilhan smiled gently. “Yeah, but I’m not you. And that’s okay too.”
There was silence for a while, peaceful this time.
“I used to do this,” Tao said quietly, almost as if he were talking to the wind. “Back in middle school. Hide somewhere quiet during recess. Trees, rooftop corners, empty stairwells. Anywhere away from everyone else.”
Ilhan looked at him, his expression soft. “Did anyone notice?”
Tao shook his head. “Not really. If they did, they didn’t care.”
“Or they just thought that I was a weird kid.”
Ilhan pulled one knee up and rested his chin on it. “It’s not weird. Wanting quiet isn’t weird.”
Tao gave a tiny, dry laugh. “You’d be surprised how often people say it is.”
A squirrel scampered along a nearby branch, its tail flicking like a brushstroke against the leaves. Tao watched it for a moment, his body slowly unfurling from its tight posture.
Ilhan plucked a small yellow flower from the grass and twirled it between his fingers.
“I get loud sometimes,” He said. “Especially when I’m hyped. Or nervous. Or trying to keep people from noticing I’m nervous.
Tao tilted his head toward Ilhan. He’d always seen him as someone confident, which therefore why he was a little loud most of the time. He couldn’t really imagine Ilhan nervous, but maybe he’d just noticed it from Ilhan’s confident facade.
Ilhan looked at him sideways, sheepish. “But with you? I don’t feel like I have to do that most of the time. I like the quiet with you.
Something in Tao’s face flickered, surprise, maybe. Or gratitude. His hand, still fidgeting, brushed slightly against Ilhan’s.
Neither of them moved away. “You’re good at this,” Tao said after a pause. “At… being here. With someone.”
Ilhan’s smile was soft. “I just want to be where you feel safe.”
Tao looked down at their hands. The backs of their fingers touched. He didn’t pull back.
“I think I do,” he murmured. “Feel safe, I mean.”
The wind picked up slightly, carrying with it the scent of grass and faint summer pollen. A bird chirped somewhere high above.
They sat like that for a while, just a quiet moment under a patch of shade. Neither rushed to fill the silence.
Eventually, Tao exhaled, slow and deliberate, as if he’d finally put down something heavy.
“Thanks for waiting with me,” he said.
“Always,” Ilhan replied, and he meant it.
Then Ilhan tilted his head. “Wanna get out of here for real? My dorm’s quiet. I’ve got snacks and tea.”
Tao’s ears perked up at the mention of tea. He looked up and met his eyes. He managed a tiny, tired smile.
“Yeah,” he said. “That sounds nice.”